Jessica Simpson is traumatized after a sex tape starring her is being rumored to be leaked onto the internet.

The alleged X-rated home movie is said to show the ‘Dukes of Hazzard’ actress and her ex-husband Nick Lachey engaged in a number of sex acts.

An unnamed source revealed, “Jessica is horrified her name and sex tape are being mentioned in the same sentence. She’s always been a girl of high morals and principles.”

According to reports, the tape’s existence has been traced to the individuals responsible for leaking the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee sex video.

It has been claimed that they are threatening to leak the tape if Jessica does not pay an undisclosed sum of money to keep it out of the public domain.

*ing: Shahid Kapur, Amrita Rao, Anupam Kher, Seema Biswas, Alok Nath, Sameer Soni, Manoj Joshi, Mohnish Behl, Jatin Siyal
Direction: Sooraj R. Barjatya

Storyline: BOY MEETS girl. The engagement follows. They talk and, well, they talk. And talk (oh yes, they sing some forgettable songs too, but not 17 of them). For almost three hours of the ’story’, which unfolds Sooraj R. Barjatya’s ‘journey from engagement to marriage’, boy and girl talk. Till, of course, Barjatya decides to give the story a kind of ‘twist’ that you thought went past its expiry date after Hum Aapke Hain Koun.

Have you ever been tired watching a movie? Not sleepy, not bored - plain tired. Vivah will leave you tired, nothing less. Tired of simple boys from rich families who would never dream of going around killing waitresses at bars over a drink (but then, may be that’s because they don’t exist). Tired of pretty, innocent girls who probably think birds and bees are all about the garden where they traipse around, mooning over shaadi and stuff like that. Tired of all that Bharatiya culture and tradition spiel that has been discovered, rediscovered, re-rediscovered so many times on the Rajshri screen.

Hang me if you think I am anti-Bharatiya culture and tradition (which I’m certainly not), but I am plain tired of the grind. It is Sooraj Barjatya’s Disneyland-ish utopia where everyone is innocent and pure. Where the odd evil chachi learns her lesson finally It is a utopia that doesn’t have a resident address anywhere in the Bharat I have known (you know, the family that eats together, sits together and sings together… blah). It has kept returning to tire you in every Sooraj Barjatya film since Maine Pyaar Kiya. It returns in Vivah.

In Vivah, Shahid Kapur is Prem, humble inheritor of Delhi’s biggest business family Amrita Rao is Poonam, Prem ki deewani and an orphan from middle-class Mathura. Prem thinks he is not ready for marriage, his dad (Anupam Kher) tells him to give it a shot. So Prem and Poonam are engaged. As they converse, they get to know each other and find a soulmate in the other. Of course, just when you were thinking where’s the story in all this, the second half brings a crisis that will test their love.

Okay, even Hum Aapke Hain Koun didn’t have much of a story. At least that 17-song shaadi ka video had Madhuri Dixit and her choli-less back. The girls freaked over Salman Khan, and all of it was packeted in a way that appeared fresh 12 years ago. The problem with Vivah is that the packet doesn’t sell anymore. Shahid tries hard to fit into Salman’s shoes. As an actor he is good, but he simply lacks the charisma. Amrita Rao is all sugar and syrup don’t blame her, that’s all there is to her role.

If Barjatya was trying to be differently innocent in an era when even Karan Johar is romancing the extra-marital, it doesn’t work. Simply because his Vivah is like an unending family soap that goes on and on. May be it’s finally time to change track, Sooraj babu.

*ing: Jackie Shroff, Suniel Shetty, Riteish Deshmukh, Shreyas Talpade, Riya Sen, Koena Mitra, Celina Jaitley
Direction: Sangeeth Sivan

Storyline: THE THING about brainless slapstick is that you either love it or loathe it. Served without apologies and by throwing political correctness out of the window, below-the-belt humour can be the stuff for random guilty bliss in the dark confines of the theatre. Or, alternately, stuff that makes you squirm at what showbiz is coming to.

Sangeeth Sivan’s Apna Sapna Money Money fits both definitions that way - you can love it or loathe it, depending on how you look at it. Sivan, who tasted Bollywood blood by way of the equally nonsensical Kya Kool Hain Hum last year, goes no-holds barred with his new film. Clearly, he knows the game well enough by now - he goes the whole hog with cheap thrills to keep the gag quotient rolling. A hero in drag, heroines in itsy-bitsy skimpies, vil lains that spoof every Bollywood clich, crass dialogue, a dog that is smarter than most of the humans in the cast - it is one madcap rollercoaster that director Sivan unleashes.

The little that the film unfolds by way of a story broadly borrows from Brij Sadanah’s 1972 comedy Victoria No. 203. Like that Ashok Kumar-Pran starrer, it’s all about precious diamonds hidden away somewhere. Everyone in the cast wants a piece of the stones naturally Any resemblance to. Victoria No. 203, however, ends with the thematic similarity Apna Sapna… is neither loyal to logic, nor does the film make an attempt at being pathbreaking comedy.

Sivan’s cast is a merry bunch of morons sold on chasing big money: a dreamy-eyed mechanic (Shreyas Talpade), a conman who is also a master of disguises (Riteish Deshmukh), a hottie club dancer (Koena Mitra), an honest cop (Suniel Shetty), an irritatingly clownish father (Anupam Kher) and his demure daughter (Riya Sen, surprisingly all covered up in this film), a tabela waala (Rajpal Yadav) with a Sarkar hangover (yes, Sarkar as in the Big B), a stupid Nepalese gangster (Chunkey Pandey), a don who tries his best to look menacing (Jackie Shroff), and his moll who tries her best to look sexy (Celina Jaitley). They are all chasing the diamonds.

Crass it is - still, the film could have been hilarious, if the climax was more deftly handled. Sadly, the finale, supposedly funny, fails to evoke the required laughs. In an era when mindless mazaa has mostly spelt quick bucks at the box-office, Apna Sapna… looks like a safe bet. Only, it is like streetside junk food, served bindaas. If you don’t mind the fact that it doesn’t fill your appetite, you certainly won’t complain giving the film a dekko.

There was a time when publishing content online required fairly good technical knowledge even when the data resided in static HTML pages. Then the blogging revolution happened and the rest as they say is history. Now a days it is possible to publish content online even without an iota of knowledge about the HTML elements. The person writing the article can free his mind to fully concentrate on what he is writing as the technical aspects of publishing is taken care of for him. And catering to this new found craze of publishing content online, a plethora of content management systems have sprung up - most of them released under a free license.

One of my hobbies is to try out different blogging and content management systems. And I have tried out a whole lot of them. In a previous article, I had explained how to setup and configure a Wordpress blog on ones personal machine. Where as Wordpress is purely a blogging tool, a content management system is much more than a blogging tool. In fact a blog forms only a part of a content management system (CMS). An application should have support for other features to qualify it as a CMS such as forums, fine grained access control and a rich collection of modules which extends the functionality of the site.

One such content management system is Drupal. I have been an ardent fan of the Drupal project from the first time I tried it out which was ver 4.6. As much as I liked Drupal, it did have a big drawback; which was that it was quite difficult to install Drupal on a remote host without having shell access. Mind you, the installation as such was a simple affair and it was possible to install it painlessly. But without the shell access, it became a bit complicated. So I found that when most web hosting providers were touting one click installs of other CMSes and blogging tools, they were silent about their support for Drupal. The end result being that you had to do a lot of research before choosing a web hosting provider if you intended to use Drupal for your site.

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